Do it.

Today, I received this in my email:

Before you say, 'No, I couldn't possibly deal with the five gazillion brides and their minions who frequent these things,' listen to me. If you are getting married and do not have your dress yet, or if you are getting married and have a dress but are having severe, persistent second thoughts, GO. TO. IT. You might find the perfect dress, or you might just feel better about the one you already have.

Hard to believe that it hasn't even been a year since I went to the NYC sale. I wasn't going to go (see aforementioned reason). So, at 6 that morning, I was snoozing in bed while hundreds of women were putting the finishing touches on their matching t-shirts and making sure to wear exposable undergarments. But 1 o'clock rolled around and I found myself at Filene's, expecting the worst.

Magically, it wasn't that busy. All the crazies had had enough, I guess. Mind you, whatever sizing/style/color organization that may have existed in the morning had long since been abandoned. But at least there was no elbowing involved. It was pretty easy to discard most of them: beads? no. rhinestones? no. poof? no. strapless? no. white as the driven snow? no (purity is *so* overrated).

So, that left me with 8 or so dresses to try on. Most of which didn't work, and all of which involved me showing my wide ass and jiggly belly to all customers, salespersons, and security men present. But I have no shame, and then I saw this:


Nicole Miller IE0003, metal taffeta (?? I think Nicole herself made that name up), with large, vintage-y baubles between the boobies (see a couple posts below for me in the dress and a front view).

And to say that I loved it when I first tried it on would be true.* And to say that the $250.00 price tag was ah-mazing would also be true. To say that I walked around in it for an hour hemming and hawing while two girls quietly stalked behind, waiting for it to be taken it off and put back on the rack, would also be true -- and I'm sorry for that, it wasn't personal.

Only after getting it home and doing some research did I find out that the dress still (and even now, still) retailed for $1800. Which, really, was just a bonus for me, but a lesson for you, future bride: go to the goddamn sale.

*It would also be true to say that I still had doubts about the dress leading up to the wedding, feelings that I think are totally normal. So don't freak out if you have those kinds of feelings, too. Everything gets projected onto the. dress.

Wedding details.

All that ranting about the brown tuxedo and other stupid wedding inventions took me back to my planning stages. The nine months prior to our fall wedding were nuts. I was living in an alternate universe, and only now do I recognize how absurd the whole thing was. At the same time, I know that all of my obsessing paid off in the end. I was determined to have this wedding on *my* terms, and not on Martha's or David's or even Vera's. We had a church ceremony with an outdoor, tented reception in the hills of WV, and I was going for a natural, pretty, let's all get together and celebrate vibe. Here are some non-pro details shots taken by my brother and sister-in-law.

First, the altar arrangements. Simple cymbidium orchids with bear grass in vases bought at Ollie's for 6 bucks:

The modern stained-glass window at the chapel:

A beautiful friend playing the part of bridesmaid in a black velvet JCrew dress with bouquet:

And the official JCrew pic:

One thing I should say is that all of my bridesmaids are beautiful, skinny bitches (I hate them), so this dress looked fabulous on them. Probably wouldn't have been a great choice if the girls had all different body types.

My husband's brother, playing the part of groomsman. We purchased nice silk ties to gift the men with since the rental options were all hideous AND AREN'T EVEN REAL TIES. The boys wore classic black single-button jackets with notched lapels. His bout is a single freesia stem.

The porch of the house where the reception took place:

The cake, 'twas red velvet with buttercream icing and a little fondant lace detail and it was yummy and looked edible and somewhat homemade and I loved it for its un-Martha-ness.......with mom and dad's cake topper from 1972 and a homemade cake stand (crown molding and spray paint, that's all I'm saying):

The world's most perfect gardenia, a flower very special to my family, used floating in crystal bowls on the cake table, in the moms' and grandmas' corsages, in my bouquet, and in mini form as a bout for my hubs:

The long, linear tables. Be gone to banquet-hall hell, round! Also of note - the nice, bulbous wine glasses that we bought at Gabriel Brothers for...get this.....17 cents a piece. Of course, we still have 300 of them sitting in the basement now, but geez! The wine glasses the rental company had were so teeny-tiny, with the shortest stems I've ever seen. So finding these was a real coup.:

Me and the hubs about to cut the cake. My dress is a Nicole Miller, found at the NYC Filene's Basement Bridal Extravaganza sale for $250.00, originally $1800.00, still on the NM website. Oh, yes. And husband also wore a single-button jacket, but with a black silk tie:

And, for posterity, my red satin shoes:

Of course, there are a million and five details that I'm not showing here, like my homemade invites, save-the-dates, programs, menus, seating cards, honey favors, welcome bags, etc, etc, etc. But I'm still slow at this blogging thing and that already took me forever. And I can't use all of my original content at once, people.

This pisses the shit outta me.

What *is* that, you ask? Why, it's a brown tuxedo. Yes, a BROWN TUXEDO. And its mere existence pisses me off. Having just planned a wedding, I was witness to many ridiculous bridal inventions (like the white napkins versus ivory dress debate, the bedazzled unity candle, those awful Lenox bride and groom figurines that people use as cake toppers, garter belts with football team logos, etc), but NONE more annoying or *wrong* as the brown friggin' tuxedo.

I don't care that your colors are brown and powder blue, or brown and baby pink, or brown and mint green (all of which are terrible combos and ALSO piss the shit outta me). I don't care that the bridesmaids are wearing brown empire-waisted Ann Taylor Celebrations gowns, or that your linens are metallic brown organza, or that your flowers are chocolate cosmos, or that your signature drink is a choco-kahlua-ice cream-tini-rita.

Tuxedos are *black*. Or white, but only if you're getting married in an outdoor, daytime ceremony in Capri or something. Or, if you're in Palm Springs channeling Frank Sinatra.

Already Contemplating a Second Marriage.

While Husband and I have only been married for three months, I'm already seriously considering getting married again. In December. With these centerpieces, created by moi:

Now, I think that poinsettias really have a bad rap. I know that the classic red poinsettia with the shiny green wrapping around the pot leaves much to be desired. But if you look beyond its function as a sub-par holiday gift, you can see the beauty in the bloom. I especially love the white and pink/white versions, like the one my mom got this Christmas:

When the blooms are cut and placed in a pretty vintage vase (thanks, Gram) with some wild dried things from outside, I think it looks fabu. And I want someone to have a wedding and use them, dammit. The plus side is this could be done without a florist and for very little money. All you'd need is some crafty friends or bridesmaids. Or ME!! I'd do it for FREE!

Imagine icy-blue/grey floor length linens, white napkins, milkglass vases in different shapes and sizes, modern white china, pewter chiavari chairs, and these beauties, everywhere:

Mmmmmm....is that divorce I smell? Tastes like chicken.